Becoming a Parent
Becoming a parent whether you are single parent or in a couple can be an incredible upheaval. If there is one thing that parents say to me, who knows in parent coaching, more than anything else it is:
‘I knew becoming a parent was going to be hard but no one told me how hard.’
The potential reality of this being that the experience of becoming a parent is so totally unique to each family situation and individual that the way in which it affects people is always going to be different and so difficult to explain or describe. In addition it would appear that the enormity if the experience in its own right can also make it seem inexplicable. It defies explanation.
Negative Traps
Not Telling It How It Is:
Having become a parent a common situation is that in the early stages parents, when talking about how they are doing, will often play down the difficulties that they are experiencing when talking to other parents. This would seem to be either as a coping strategy to manage how difficult they are finding it and/or that they don’t want others to know that they are struggling.
Unrealistic Comparisons:
Either way this can lead to another negative trap when parents start comparing what they are doing or why they aren’t doing as well as other seem to be doing. All of these can be very destructive to the self confidence of any new parent when nine times out of ten they are doing a great job and others are finding it just as hard. It can be very easy for parents to loose sight of the fact that all children and their parents are different, so their children do things differently, develop at different rates and so what works for one child or parent may not work for the other.
No Right Answers
This leads on to another of the ‘classic’ potential traps is that there are no definitive right answers to how to bring up your child. Ever wondered why there are so many books on parenting? There are of course key physiological requirements for good nutrition and well being but even within this there are a multitude of approaches in parent coaching and perceived wisdoms. What would appear key is for parents to find what works for them and their child, to trust in their own ability to find a way that works for them.
Asking Questions That Have No Answers
This is possibly the hardest but most common difficulty every parent experiences is the urge to ask questions of themselves or their child that have no right answer; either because the child is too young to be able to tell you why it is crying or acting up or because the answer is within you as the parent.
Benefits of Parent Coaching
Whether you feel you are able to relate to any of the Negative Traps described above or there are some other elements of parenting that you would like to discuss parent coaching can be an invaluable resource in many of the following areas:
Support
At the most fundamental level taking the opportunity to benefit from being able to talk through your difficulties and get some personal head space can be incredibly beneficial.
Adjustment
Coming to terms with the experience of becoming a parent and getting some parenting skills is an incredible transition and one that often seems impossible to find time to reflect on but can be key to helping you through the process. You don’t have to just get through it!
Time Management
It is easy to feel that you don’t have a minute to yourself as a parent and that your life is dictated to you by your children. It is therefore never more paramount that you manage your time well using your parenting skills to be able to not only get the practical things done but to also build in time for yourself.
Self Care
This is one that can all too often be overlooked particularly if the parent is struggling with time management. The old adage does however apply here that if you are a carer the most important person you need to take care of is yourself.
Boundaries
What you say ‘yes’, or ‘no’ or ‘maybe’ to. The ability to be clear as a parent about what you are doing, to understand why you are doing it is key as this will help you provide a sense of clarity to what you are doing and build confidence as a parent (and develop your parenting skills).
Similarly children test the boundaries of parents on an on-going basis so the importance of knowing where you stand is obvious. The ability to provide clear fixed and flexible boundaries to your children can be equally important to the level of contentment of your child and their degree level of respect for you as parents. So to take time to learn where you stand on these issues is an on-going process, a process where coaching can really help.
If you would like to see how parent coaching could work for you click here or go to the Contact Me page and get in touch.
